I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize