she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I smell like Dick and happiness
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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