I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
