Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
