Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize