Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
