soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
