Non-Jews are for practice
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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