Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
