If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
