"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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