haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
