Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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