He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
