matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
