You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize