she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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