The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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