thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
