Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
