I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
