All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
