did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
