Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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