cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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