you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
