We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
