Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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