we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
