My cat gives me a boner
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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