Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
