hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
