She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
