TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
