1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
