Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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