Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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