I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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