I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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