I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
