If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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