Jerry, you need to find god
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
