I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
