Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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