I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
