i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
