we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
