you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
