So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
