Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
