Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize