yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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