ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
