I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
