So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
