sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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