Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
