But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
