aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
