i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
