somebody snuck up and got me drunk
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
