i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
