Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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