i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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