White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
