My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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