I wanna bring you to show and tell
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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