wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
zippers are such a cool invention
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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