Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
