I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
