I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
