Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
