He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need water and some morals
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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